Dirty Jokes

What's the smalliest muscle in a sheep's ass?

*your penis*


Sorry~ if that was kind of grose and dirty. Anyone have one that is more dirty.

well at least i have one!
lol nice joke, where did you get it? sounds like something you just made up

good lord wtf

Jackson wrote:

good lord wtf

God bless America~ (^_^)

lmao

lmdo
Buddha Bless Japan~ (^*^)

...

lol Okay here's one my dad told. It's so bad.

So there's this man on vacation and he's been traveling for a while. He's going south to mexico. He eventually gets hungry and stops in this bar in Mississippi.

He walks in and everyone inside stops what they're doing. They stare at him oddly aws he walks toward the counter. It's so quiet you can hear the man's walking echo. He sits at the counter and tries to keep his eyes away from everyone.

The bartender walked up to him and said, "You're not from around here are you?" THe man looked up and said "No." The bartender nodded and then tilted his head.

"So, what do you do?" the bartender asked.

"I'm a taxidermist." the man said. The bartender looked at him strangly and asked, "Well, waht's that?"

"I stuff animals." the man said.

The bartender smiled. "It's okay everyone! He's one of us!"


Yeah.. that one's pretty sick if you think about it.

heres one

i was at the mall and i was buying new clothes and i went into the dressing room to change i was bending over too put on my pants and a girl walked in and said thats tight and i said what my clothes she said no your ass let me touch it

girl that walked in the closet wrote:

no your pussy let me touch it

What is the difference between a catholic Priest and Acne???

-The Priest doesn't cum on a boys face after they are older than 12.-

Mr. Bahr wrote:

What is the difference between a catholic Priest and Acne???

-The Priest doesn't cum on a boys face after they are older than 12.-

damn that one was bad!!!! lol

Spend some time around a bunch of bored infantry Marines and you will hear jokes alot worse than that

Mr. Bahr wrote:

What is the difference between a catholic Priest and Acne???

-The Priest doesn't cum on a boys face after they are older than 12.-

LMAO, but that's probably true!

That is why it is so funny

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

Sex is really like math!

...u add the bed
...subtract the clothes
...divide the legs
...leave your solution
...and pray you dont multiply!

the aristocrats. enough said. dirtiest joke ever

sayonara wrote:

Sex is really like math!

...u add the bed
...subtract the clothes
...divide the legs
...leave your solution
...and pray you dont multiply!

the one i heard was

-add the bad
-subtract the clothes
-divide the legs
-and multiply!!!
XD

um...here's one...

one day...a nun needed to go use the bathroom, so she saw this bar and went in. when she went in, she saw the lights go off and come back on. when this girl walked out of the bathroom, all the people cheered and clapped for her. so the nun went to the barkeeper and asked, "May i use ur bathroom?" the barkeeper said, "Sure sister, but a bit of warning, there is a picture of a naked man hanging in the bathroom showing his private spot, so we covered it with a ivory leaf." the nun said, " okay i'll just look the othert way then when im using the bathroom." so the nun went and used the bathroom. when she came out, everyone was cheering and clapping for her. she went to the barkeeper and the barkeeper asked her, "sister would u like a drink?" she said, "no, for i am a nun...y is everyone cheering and clapping for me?" so the bartender said, "they're clapping 4 u becuz everytime a woman goes into the bathroom and lifts up the leaf from the picture, the lights would flicker off, letting eveyone know you;re looking at it. now do u want a drink?"

hehe! i thought this was pretty hilarious! XD

heres another...kinda short tho...might be stupid...

Math teacher asked the class, what comes after 69?
a girl replies, "u wash ur face and rinse ur mouth...DUH!!!

ya...not really sure if u guys think it might b funny...

ok...this joke was pretty funny to me...

there was this lady who loved to gamble...especially horse races...so she went to the track one day and bet on My Face. so she went to the stands and sat down until the race has started. when the race has started the horses bolted off. near the end her horse was in 2nd place. so she stood up in front of everyone and yelled to the horse, "Come on My Face!!!"

hehe ya its kinda sick...XP

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads...

Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand
Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows...

Dear Husband,
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the
Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. AND,
you, being an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

this one pretty funny..sorry for putting all these jokes in....i just found them...im not really perverted okay!!!

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"